If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
