I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
