we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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