heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
