He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
PANTIES FOUND
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
