too bad you live with your parents still
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
