I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
