I'm going to jail i love you
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you inspire me to be a worse person
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
