look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
