I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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