I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
