Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's blow job season.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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