No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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