After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize