One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
