let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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