We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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