I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
