Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
