Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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