she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My ass is underappreciated
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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