just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i think my cat just said my name.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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