It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
