When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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