drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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