I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
