I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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