i permit you to call me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
