Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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