Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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