i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
