Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
