he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
