If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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