How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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