You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
