The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
