you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
