i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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