Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
