I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
