Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
