Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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