Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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