Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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