I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
