And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
