Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
