I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
