i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
