____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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