i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
