FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
